Hello, Gunther Parents...
School started today! YES! We were all ready for Connor to have more structure and focus. Since there's been very little to occupy his time for the past two weeks (a REAL change from the 24/7 requirements of OB), he had fallen into something of a hapless routine, peppered with video games, friends, computer chatting, etc...not my idea of well-spent hours! I'm glad to be back into our regular schedule, despite the early morning wake-up calls. Con was actually excited when he walked out the door this morning!
It's been a medium successful homecoming! We have our moments, as you've indicated that we all have! I'm pleased with many of the communication skills that Connor's brought home. He has not wanted to work towards a nightly meeting (I didn't think that would go over...), but we have all agreed to be more transparent and address issues using the "CFR" format (but not wording) when we need to do so. It's worked fairly well -- I find I don't store as much pent-up frustration, then simmer with anger before the final blow-up!! It's nice to work things through in "real time". We're working through a lot of things, and -- for that -- we're most grateful.
I hope that you're all doing well and that you are ready for the challenge of this next school year! Thanks for being there...
Joan
Wednesday, August 15, 2007
Thursday, August 9, 2007
Hi everyone,
We're still moving along here - sometimes it's easier than others. Michael has broken out in a rash since he's been home. Has anyone else had this experience? It seems to be worse at night and I'll be taking him to the doctor tomorrow. I don't know what it is and it breaks out in different places every day. It's red and itchy and doesn't look like poison ivy. Anyway, just one thing we're contending with. He starts school a week from today (thursday). So, we've been busy trying to get ready again.
One change I see in Michael is his willingness to stay in contact with his friends here. He's not wanting to stay on the computer as much as before and is easier, in general, to communicate with. Jen, thanks for the information you've given. Dean, Michael and I watched "The Secret" movie. We did get some good ideas from it - especially about being grateful and staying positive. Until you observe how much time you spend thinking about what you don't want, you'd never believe you do it so often!
Anyway, I'm grateful to have met you all and that we can stay in touch this way. Take care. Love, Denna.
We're still moving along here - sometimes it's easier than others. Michael has broken out in a rash since he's been home. Has anyone else had this experience? It seems to be worse at night and I'll be taking him to the doctor tomorrow. I don't know what it is and it breaks out in different places every day. It's red and itchy and doesn't look like poison ivy. Anyway, just one thing we're contending with. He starts school a week from today (thursday). So, we've been busy trying to get ready again.
One change I see in Michael is his willingness to stay in contact with his friends here. He's not wanting to stay on the computer as much as before and is easier, in general, to communicate with. Jen, thanks for the information you've given. Dean, Michael and I watched "The Secret" movie. We did get some good ideas from it - especially about being grateful and staying positive. Until you observe how much time you spend thinking about what you don't want, you'd never believe you do it so often!
Anyway, I'm grateful to have met you all and that we can stay in touch this way. Take care. Love, Denna.
Sunday, August 5, 2007
Getting our money's worth...
Maybe it's because we've tried other things with Matthew before, or maybe it's because we really over-extended ourselves financially for this course, (for both of us attending the seminar and everything that went along with it), but we are still eating, sleeping and breathing Intercept and are very determined to keep the positive changes alive so that they become just the way Matt is now. I keep thinking how easy it was on course, in a sense, because the consequences were so natural, and very black and white. At home, we live in the gray.
Matt was really mad at first because we told him that we were going back to our point system. This was something I found online last year. It's a software program that you download and customize. It's a daily tally of earning points for expected behaviors and losing points for negative behaviors. At the end of the week, the points are assessed and calculated to determine allowance and privileges. It's called Easy Child and it has really worked for us. Here's the link: http://www.easychild.com/index.htm. A few months before OB, Matt had sunk so far that we took the point system AWAY, if you can believe that. Anyway, now that he's back, we re-designed it and came up with the expected behaviors together, which was in itself a big change, since before it was whatever we handed down. He came up with some really insightful things that he wanted to work on, like "taking liberties", which means that if he doesn't have EXPLICIT permission, he doesn't have permission. Sounds easy, but Matt was the King of slipping under the radar.
We have established Evening Meetings as part of our dinner routine. We do Ownerships, CFRs and Appreciations and we all set goals for the next day. This has been really helpful for me, too, I can't believe how productive I've been! Matt hasn't been happy the times I've called him out on his behavior in the moment, but has said that he's generally so much happier and a LOT happier with our relationship. He is being very careful to remain trustworthy, too.
That's all for now. Please share what's working for you!
Jen
PS-If you have an online photo album of your pictures, I'd love to see them!
Matt was really mad at first because we told him that we were going back to our point system. This was something I found online last year. It's a software program that you download and customize. It's a daily tally of earning points for expected behaviors and losing points for negative behaviors. At the end of the week, the points are assessed and calculated to determine allowance and privileges. It's called Easy Child and it has really worked for us. Here's the link: http://www.easychild.com/index.htm. A few months before OB, Matt had sunk so far that we took the point system AWAY, if you can believe that. Anyway, now that he's back, we re-designed it and came up with the expected behaviors together, which was in itself a big change, since before it was whatever we handed down. He came up with some really insightful things that he wanted to work on, like "taking liberties", which means that if he doesn't have EXPLICIT permission, he doesn't have permission. Sounds easy, but Matt was the King of slipping under the radar.
We have established Evening Meetings as part of our dinner routine. We do Ownerships, CFRs and Appreciations and we all set goals for the next day. This has been really helpful for me, too, I can't believe how productive I've been! Matt hasn't been happy the times I've called him out on his behavior in the moment, but has said that he's generally so much happier and a LOT happier with our relationship. He is being very careful to remain trustworthy, too.
That's all for now. Please share what's working for you!
Jen
PS-If you have an online photo album of your pictures, I'd love to see them!
Friday, August 3, 2007
What a Great Idea
Thanks, Jenny, for starting this. I agree that it's a wonderful opportunity to keep in touch with our new friends, those who share the vocabulary and the concepts...and the hope!!!
Connor returned to all-day Marching Band practice, so that precluded any opportunity of him slipping back into the same old habits of video games, etc. He's pumped up and is hanging around with a couple of good kids from the Band. Here's hoping that those relationships maintain. He even sought out a teacher from last year with whom he'd behaved horribly...and apologized for his mouth and his behavior!!! I was astounded (pleasantly, of course).
All is not Nirvana, of course, as we've found ourselves starting to nag about some of the same old things. Ray & I both catch ourselves, though, and remember to look at the bigger picture...and try the CFR routine. It's worked to some extent!!
Everyone asks how Connor "did" at OB...and I'm finding it absolutely impossible to share the experience with anyone in 25 words or less. That's why keeping in contact with all of you is so important!
Still sailing...Joan
Connor returned to all-day Marching Band practice, so that precluded any opportunity of him slipping back into the same old habits of video games, etc. He's pumped up and is hanging around with a couple of good kids from the Band. Here's hoping that those relationships maintain. He even sought out a teacher from last year with whom he'd behaved horribly...and apologized for his mouth and his behavior!!! I was astounded (pleasantly, of course).
All is not Nirvana, of course, as we've found ourselves starting to nag about some of the same old things. Ray & I both catch ourselves, though, and remember to look at the bigger picture...and try the CFR routine. It's worked to some extent!!
Everyone asks how Connor "did" at OB...and I'm finding it absolutely impossible to share the experience with anyone in 25 words or less. That's why keeping in contact with all of you is so important!
Still sailing...Joan
Hi all,
Well, we're settling in again and having our ups and downs. I think Michael is fighting the urge to return to "normal". But he realizes that normal wasn't working very well and that something has fundamentally changed. We set up a plan that surrounds his time at home before school starts (8-16), but realize things will change once we see how much free time he'll have after that. Our communication is better. I notice that when I ask him about different strategies we learned at OB, he is eager to talk about the meaning. We haven't quite translated that into actual doing - but it's a start and puts him in a good frame of mind. I like that he changed his my space page to include some photos and a quote from OB. It shows me his ownership of the experience. We've talked about how the full impact of the program may not be realized for a while. One really huge thing is that we are much closer and it's made me aware that I really didn't fully understand how much damage our relationship had sustained. I'm anxious to see what you are all experiencing and what's working for you. Jen, I'm so glad you did this!
Kind regards, Denna.
Well, we're settling in again and having our ups and downs. I think Michael is fighting the urge to return to "normal". But he realizes that normal wasn't working very well and that something has fundamentally changed. We set up a plan that surrounds his time at home before school starts (8-16), but realize things will change once we see how much free time he'll have after that. Our communication is better. I notice that when I ask him about different strategies we learned at OB, he is eager to talk about the meaning. We haven't quite translated that into actual doing - but it's a start and puts him in a good frame of mind. I like that he changed his my space page to include some photos and a quote from OB. It shows me his ownership of the experience. We've talked about how the full impact of the program may not be realized for a while. One really huge thing is that we are much closer and it's made me aware that I really didn't fully understand how much damage our relationship had sustained. I'm anxious to see what you are all experiencing and what's working for you. Jen, I'm so glad you did this!
Kind regards, Denna.
Hey everyone,
Its Dean here I thought I needed an dentity so i chose Gunther, ooops this could get confusing. I will change my name to Dean when I get a chance.
As I told Jen, Thanks 2 all for the support. We can certainly use alittle pick up some times andyou guys have already seen what can happen with the positve feedback we all got.
I have a great book for you all to read, Our sons would fair well if they read it as well
"The Secret" by Rhonda Byrne
I have to go now but read the book and you will start to realize some amazing things'
Lots of Love to all the Gunther Family
Dean
Its Dean here I thought I needed an dentity so i chose Gunther, ooops this could get confusing. I will change my name to Dean when I get a chance.
As I told Jen, Thanks 2 all for the support. We can certainly use alittle pick up some times andyou guys have already seen what can happen with the positve feedback we all got.
I have a great book for you all to read, Our sons would fair well if they read it as well
"The Secret" by Rhonda Byrne
I have to go now but read the book and you will start to realize some amazing things'
Lots of Love to all the Gunther Family
Dean
Thursday, August 2, 2007
Let's give this a try...
Hi all!
I'm hoping that this site can be a place of support for us as we forge ahead into unchartered waters. We have a new vocabulary and access to resources that are new to all of us. Keeping them going in the face of the certain setbacks to come is where I hope our group can come in. This is a place to share your joys and sorrows, to revel in your successes and work on those areas where you could use some improvement.
We've all been around the block with these boys. Let's use our collective 100+ years of parenting to share what's worked and what hasn't, even beyond the new tools we have from Outward Bound.
In the spirit of trust and open communication, please agree that by joining us on this site that you will not share it with anyone beyond our circle of parents (including and especially the boys!). In this way, we can all feel free to share openly and honestly. Once we all have registered, I will change the security settings so that we are the only ones able to view this blog.
Thanks, and let's get going!
Jen
I'm hoping that this site can be a place of support for us as we forge ahead into unchartered waters. We have a new vocabulary and access to resources that are new to all of us. Keeping them going in the face of the certain setbacks to come is where I hope our group can come in. This is a place to share your joys and sorrows, to revel in your successes and work on those areas where you could use some improvement.
We've all been around the block with these boys. Let's use our collective 100+ years of parenting to share what's worked and what hasn't, even beyond the new tools we have from Outward Bound.
In the spirit of trust and open communication, please agree that by joining us on this site that you will not share it with anyone beyond our circle of parents (including and especially the boys!). In this way, we can all feel free to share openly and honestly. Once we all have registered, I will change the security settings so that we are the only ones able to view this blog.
Thanks, and let's get going!
Jen
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